Friday, 9 June 2017

Whiny Little Complainer



Donkey is in "a situation."

A bad situation.

A bad hair situation, which is - in Donkey's opinion - one of the worst kind. (Donkey's husband isn't all that keen on her being in it, either. For different reasons. Reasons of self-preservation.)

I mentioned awhile ago that I was having some trepidation over changing to a new hairdresser. Then I reported back that I was relieved to get my first haircut by her and all had gone well. It was just a trim, really, while we waited for my hair to grow out of an unfortunate, uneven cut by someone else. And so it would seem, to anyone reading, that the situation was fine and dandy.

Well. With every haircut since then, things have edged toward bad, badder, and then baddest. And I don't know how to stop this runaway train from going off the cliff and ending up with me having no hair left to work with.

I'm prepared to take all of the blame. My instructions may be coming across as incomplete, vague, and lacking in hairdresser-y terms. I don't know all the lingo. I only know how to say things like: "my hair is too thick here (gestures to back of head) and it needs to be thinner so I don't look like a mushroom." Or: "please take off a half-inch all around, and don't worry if it's a bit more because my hair grows fast." Or even: "here is a picture of what I'm talking about."

In the first example, I leave the salon looking even more like a mushroom, because the part of my head I thought I pointed to is not the part of my head where the hair has been removed. In the second example I leave the salon looking like I have not had a single hair snipped - it is just as long as it ever was, and since my hair does indeed grow fast, by the time the next appointment comes around I will look like an afghan hound who hasn't had a trim in five years. In the third example, I will leave the salon with my hair both shorter and longer than in the picture (shorter in the back, longer in the front, or vice versa) and I will still look like a mushroom -- it's like we are seeing completely different things within the same picture.

So, I am reduced to asking begging you, my bloggy people, all of whom I feel have smart haircuts and excellent verbal and diplomatic skills, to tell me how you convey your (negative) thoughts on a haircut to your hairdresser, and how you convey what you want in its place.

I want to say "I hate, loathe and despise what you did with my hair last time, please make me look exactly like this picture instead and if I walk out of here with anything different I will not be back" but I know that's not good for our relationship and will probably end up with my ears being cut off. And I truly do like my hairdresser. She is kind and funny and is trying hard to please me. And she has serious skills in the precision department, which is ultra-important to me because my hair is very thick and hard to cut precisely.

But I need to know how to work with her good qualities but also get a haircut I don't want to cry over. And, although I do not seem to be anywhere close to running out of tears, I am running out of hair to work with. Even though a shaved head is a perfectly good look on many men, there are only a handful of women who can pull it off, and my name is not on that list.

Along with your advice, which I fervently hope you will give, do you have a hair-raising story of a haircut gone wrong? You'd be doing a humanitarian service by telling me all about it :)


No

No

No

No

No

No

Just No

Even the cat says "No"

This is my face at the hairdresser's. "What the ...?"


This is how I want my face to look -- and feel -- at the hairdresser's. "Fabulous!" (even though I never say fabulous)

Help. Please help.

Helllp.


Please know that I realize this is a trifling matter in the big scheme of things. There are wars and elections and uncurable diseases and unbearable things going on in the world. But right now I have my head firmly in the grip of a little thing, one I wish I could control.

And if you have read this far, I have a take-home gift for you, a previously-never-admitted nugget of information. When I was naming my blog, I very nearly called it today's title, "Whiny Little Complainer" ... oh yes I did.

Reflecting on this whiny post, maybe I should have.

I did have fun picking out the "No" pictures, and that's taking some of the sting out of my frustration. I may even laugh about this, given another couple of weeks (months?).


Thanks for reading, thank you in advance for any and all advice, and may you have a stress-free, frustration-free, bad-haircut-free weekend -- and may all your experiences at the hair salon be like that last picture up there :)

All pictures from Pixabay. ThankyouverymuchPixabay. You have begun my cheering-up process.

34 comments:

  1. I am a firm believer in 'give us this day our daily whinge'. Things kept in the dark have a habit of festering and growing.
    My hair is thick, curly and grows fast. I am overweight and if the hairdresser chops it all off I look like a bowling pin. NOT a good look.
    And I have failed (abysmally) to convey my dissatisfaction with hair cuts in a gentle but firm way. And have had some shockers...
    Good luck.

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    1. Ahhh ... the wonderful feeling of not being alone in my misery, followed quickly by feeling badly because you've had to put up with it too!! I love the bowling pin analogy; that is actually a good description of me, too, with the mushroom on top :)

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  2. Sorry Jenny, I won't be any help at all as I want the same thing. My hair used to be thick and strong with a natural wave/curl in it, but because I have thyroid problems my hair is a lot thinner now. My hair used to look good either longish or very elfin type. As I am now older longish isn't right, but can I get anyone to cut it in an elfinish type of style, no I can't.

    I'm disabled so can't get out and have a mobile hairdresser and am on my third one as the other two moved away. None of them can cut it as I want it. My husband says I mustn't explain it right, but I have shown them a photograph of my hair and the style I want (the hairdresser I had at that time was good). What more can I do? We, hopefully, will be moving house soon so I am just carrying on letting my present hairdresser cut it as she wants, then I will TRY and train the new one into how I want it. Good luck to us both.

    Joan (Wales)

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    1. Yes, oodles of good luck to us; I have a feeling from the comments here that we are not alone and EVERYONE is needing the luck! And I know what you mean about needing a different style as we get older and our hair changes. I used to be able to go months between trims when my hair was long. I get wistful just thinking about it :)

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  3. When I go to my barber he says, "Same as last time?" and I say "Yes".

    Have you thought about a Dolly Parton wig?

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    1. Too itchy!! Otherwise, you have read my mind with uncanny precision, YP :)

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  4. I don't have any good hairdresser advice. I was lucky to find a girl who seems to know what to do with my very fine and thinning hair....I'll stick with her until she starts to fade and then I guess I'll still stick with her because I'm too lazy to find someone else. um.....buy a wig?????

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    1. Ha ha! See Yorkshire Pudding's comment above!

      Sometimes we get lucky with a hairdresser. In my experience, that just means she will be moving away within a year. And the fall from good haircut to bad one hurts even more ...

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  5. You're funny. I, too, spent eons with bad hairdressers. When I found a good one, I still had problems because of bad communication. One day I had a waitress with the perfect haircut. I asked to take her picture, for the purpose of imitating her haircut. She complied, with grace. It took my hairdresser and me about six months to work into the cut, but at least we knew what we were aiming for.
    I may do a post for you, featuring my half a head of hair.
    Good luck.

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    1. Hmmm ... this is interesting. And gives me hope that if I stick with it, I may end up happier with my cut.

      And I feel foolish now worrying about my hair when you are missing half of yours. There is always someone worse off ... and I forgot that truth. Thanks for your patience with my tantrum. I hope your hair grows fast, and that you have a headwrap or scarf for chilly days.

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  6. This is a bit counterintuitive, but with my current hairdresser, we finally achieved the cut I wanted on the day when I went to her and said, "Cut it the way you think it should be cut." Viola! Best cut ever! And now I just sit in her chair and say, "Do the same thing as last time." If you like your hairdresser and she's open to working with you, you'll probably get there together. In the meantime, it's good you have thick, fast growing hair to experiment with.

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    1. Now that is a very scary proposition, Angella! I'm not sure I could give up control ...

      On the other hand, I have previously asked "what would you do if you had free rein to cut it any way you wanted?" but the answer was nowhere near anything I would wear! (different stylist, mind you, so it might work with my current one; I shall think about this some more).

      You are a brave woman - and I will think about this some more ...

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  7. Gosh, if you think you're whiny, then I want to hang out with you. You aren't whiny. You simply want to improve a situation without hurting someone's feelings. I wish I knew what you should say, but I'm afraid I don't. I also wish you were here so I could take you to my Sam. I tell her to do with me what she will. I'm always happy with my hair.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Ehh, no, I am whiny, trust me :) I don't know if I could give up control, but now that Angella (above) and you have both mentioned this, I will ponder it ...

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  8. The no pictures were fabulous and I am glad I read all the way through to learn the previously never-admitted nugget of information. I understand about a bad haircut and how it can affect you. Good luck in getting your hair done right. Take care.

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    1. That's high-level secret info that you now have in your possession, Mr. S. I hope you guard it with your very life :) Thanks, and you take care, too.

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  9. I feel sure that my friend Brenda could cut your hair to your liking, as she is very good and all of her customers love her.
    That, unfortunately, won't help you much, as Brenda lives in Windsor, which is a little North of Santa Rosa...

    P.S. My hair used to look a little like the third "no" picture after I washed it, only a little darker and without the hairspray.

    -Doug in Oakland

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    1. The third picture? Lonnnng hair? My goodness, Doug! You were a renegade!

      The commute for a haircut with Brenda would be, as you say, a bit inconvenient ... but I'm glad her customers are benefiting from her skill.

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  10. O_Jenny, I'm afraid I can be of little help. My Portuguese ancestors absorbed Moorish invaders hundreds of years ago so I am ulotrichous. Others have bad-hair days; I have bad-hair life. Lately I've worn it grayer and further back but it's still rebellious.

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    1. We of the straight hair want ulotrichous hair, and we of the ulotrichous hair want straight hair ... human nature, huh? Now I'm picturing you shoving your hair back on your head like a cowboy hat ...

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  11. Is there any reason you cannot simply find a new stylist? I quit going to mine when I started having reactions to the hair color and other things and when I decided to see what my natural hair looked like, the got defensive.I've since found a neighborhood hair cutting place that is much cheaper and I get a decent cut and look my age with a cute style. Good luck.

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    1. I left my old stylist because she was giving me a very uneven cut - every time. It's a problem I've had with a number of other stylists as well, so I'm happy to have my current one because she is so precise. I'm getting some good ideas here today, so I will stick with her awhile yet, I think. It's great that you were able to find a place that is good and cheaper too. Haircuts tend to be expensive, especially if one has a short cut that needs done fairly often.

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  12. I have been cutting my own hair for a long time. Good thing that my hair is relatively easy to cut. I have not found a hairdresser that was satisfactory for me. Sorry I am of no help to you! :-)

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    1. Bravo, Nicky - cutting your own is a wonderful way to get what you want. My husband has offered to cut mine but I've never taken him up on it :)

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  13. I don't worry what I look like. I've used a mobile hairdresser too. Now, my wife does it, so I know it'll look bad. I don't have any advice for you Jenny, I'm afraid. Being a scruff is something I'm proud of.

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    1. You rock, Terry - there's a solution I hadn't thought of! But I'm afraid I have some deep-seated insecurities about my hair, and cannot go that route!

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  14. You are allowed to whine about your hair! A hairdresser with real talent is very hard to find. In all my 52 years, I've only found one great one in a pool of many that I'd used over the years. Every time I left her place, I felt like I could float on air; that's how happy I was. Then we moved and it's been downhill ever since.

    I think we worry too much about hurting someone's feelings when we're getting jobs like these done. But I imagine that a hairdresser would rather know you're unhappy or at the very least be made aware that the cut is not exactly what you want rather than losing a customer. Why not throw in some humour to lighten things up when you nicely explain that you're not entirely happy with your hair and that you want it "exactly like this".

    And please don't apologize or think you don't have a right to be unhappy. You do.

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    1. Maybe ... but maybe not THIS unhappy? :) She's very good, as I said, very precise, and that's a big plus in my book. I think I need to spend more time talking to her before she starts cutting and less time stewing afterward. But it's nice to know that other people have similar problems, although I don't wish this on anyone. I was beginning to think it was all me, every last bit of it, and that was very discouraging.

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  15. Steve, I hit Delete instead of Publish for your comment - sorry! So thank goodness for copy/paste ... here it is in a slightly different format:

    Steve Reed has left a new comment on your post "Whiny Little Complainer":

    I am my own hairdresser, so I just can't give any advice here! LOL! Maybe you should just have a conversation with your hairdresser and tell her what you don't like, and allow her to suggest some things? She may have ideas for remedying the "mushroom" problem.

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    1. I've tried that and the problem is getting worse! We seem to have completely different interpretations of my comments. I'm looking for pictures to take with me next time. My son has the same hairstyle as you do, and also does it himself! It's nice and cool for summer but does get a bit breezy in the winter :)

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  16. I feel for you! Back in the days when I used to pay to have my hair cut, I had the same problem. My hair grows fast, too, and I finally got sick of the whole process. These days Hubby trims it straight across the back, I cut my own bangs, and if it looks awful I blame the humidity and my natural wave. It's a solution. Not a particularly good one, but a solution nonetheless. ;-)

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    1. Hey, I'm open to any solution. Except my husband cutting my hair - ha ha! He offers to take the lawnmower to it; claims it will be a nice, even cut :)

      I long for the days when my hair was long (gee, two longs) ... now I look like Morticia if it gets as far as my shoulders (and I have a short neck, so that's not very far) ...

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  17. Hi, due to health problems I haven't visited a hairdresser for about 4 years. (Her salon was at the top of a very steep staircase, and as I have MS they eventually got the better of me) She was brilliant, and I really didn't want to look for anyone else. So after years of having my hair dyed and styled I decided to go for the 'natural ' look. I discovered that my once previously auburn hair was now a mixture of black and silver. (I'd never had black hair in my life) Anyway, I decided to go with the flow, and now, at 71 I have waist length hair, which is very easy to manage. I've recently dyed it pale lilac, so if you need anyone to scare the kiddies at Halloween, you know where to find me.

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    1. How strange that your hair turned colour while you weren't paying attention (for years)! I'm sorry you can't get upstairs to your hairdresser, but lilac hair is awesome, so there's that :)

      Thanks for visiting and for weighing in, Lesley.

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